“Stranger danger.” It’s short. It’s simple. It even rhymes! But it is not the most effective abduction prevention lesson for our children. 

The concept of “stranger” may be difficult for kids. Many believe that strangers are mean, ugly people — so the nice man asking for help to find his lost puppy? Not a stranger.

Children also should learn that some strangers – like store clerks, police officers, or parents with children – can be helpful when they are in need. It may be hard for kids to understand the difference between strangers who could hurt them and strangers who may help them.  

Most importantly, “stranger danger” ignores the fact that most children are abducted by someone they know. Avoiding strangers will not help if the abductor is a family member, neighbor, or family acquaintance. When you talk to your children about abduction prevention, don’t focus on warning them about certain types of people. Instead, teach them to identify and respond to threatening situations.

Of all the questions that cross parents’ minds when they hear about child abductions, the most common question may be how can I stop this from happening to my child?

Some parents try to protect their kids by teaching them about “stranger danger”– but most child abductions involve a relative or someone the child knows. Teaching children about strangers is not enough. Parents should learn when and where children may be at risk of abduction. They should also teach kids about these situations and what to do if they occur. This helps prepare children to act even if the risk of abduction is from someone they know.

Family abductions occur when relatives break legal custody agreements by keeping kids from their legal guardians. Family abductions usually involve parents taking their children.  An abduction may be more likely to occur if a parent has:

Learn more about the warning signs of family abductions and what you can do to protect your kids. Remember, these warning signs don’t mean an abduction will happen. Also, abductions can occur without any of these warning signs appearing.

Parents should learn when and where kids are most vulnerable in order to better protect them. In an analysis of attempted abductions, NCMEC found that many:

NCMEC’s review revealed one extremely important fact: 83% of children who escaped their would-be abductors did something proactive. They walked/ran away, yelled, kicked, or pulled away. This means the best thing a child can do if someone tries to abduct them is take action instead of being passive or polite. 

Use this information to set up a safety plan for your kids – and don’t forget to include teens in these conversations! You can:

Are you familiar with the news show segments testing children’s safety knowledge? They often feature “strangers” trying to lure children with offers of ice cream, modeling contracts, or other goodies. Too many times, these tricks are successful.

In these scenarios, even children who know better often ignore their safety rules. Would-be abductors count on this. They know that while many children are taught to avoid strangers, they may not be taught to recognize abduction tactics.

NCMEC has noted the use of more than 100 of these tactics. Below are some examples. Review them with your children and  practice a response. The more children practice, the better prepared they will be in a real situation.