Wikipedia:Rouge admin

This page contains material that is kept because it is considered humorous.
Such material is not meant to be taken seriously.

Shortcuts

This is a decree by the Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW). It expresses opinions and ideas that are absolutely and irrefutably true, whether you like them or not. Changes to it must reflect the wishes of the Supreme Cabal. When in doubt, please ignore the talk page and just keep reverting.

This decree in a nutshell:
Administrators oppose editors because their edits violate policy, not because the admins are conspiring with the Forces of Darkness™.

Rouge admins are a cabal of administrators, governed by five pillars of evil and the Five Pillars of Untruth, who stand in the way of Wikipedia's true purpose, which is to disseminate new and controversial theories, publicise hitherto suppressed views about establishment figures, document the stories which the... Please check all that apply:

☐ agnosticist
☐ American
☐ atheist
☐ Big Pharma
☐ bummer
☐ capitalist
☐ Chinese
☐ Christian
☐ corrupt
☐ corporate
☐ dark suited
☐ discordianist
☐ deep state
☐ enviromentalist
☐ evil
☐ fake
☐ far-left
☐ far-middle
☐ far-right
☐ fascist
☐ feminist
☐ gay
☐ government
☐ humanist
☐ Illuminati
☐ Islamist
☐ lesbian
☐ Marxist–Leninist
☐ Marxist–Lennonist
☐ Masonic
☐ misandrist
☐ misogynist
☐ plutocratic
☐ reptilian
☐ robotic
☐ Russian
☐ satanist
☐ secular
☐ social justice warrior
☐ stupid
☐ straight
☐ whitey
☐ woke
☐ Zionist
☐ _________^[a]

... news media refuse to touch, suppress small businesspeople from establishing ginger monopolies as the first step to attaining secular galaxial government,^[b] and bring to public attention the “Holy Grail” which the said groups refuse to endorse.

When the fearless blogger-after-truth stands alone before the might of Vested Interests and only Wikipedia can bring The Truth™ to the teeming multitudes, when the web forum hits thirty members and just 9,970 more will earn the webmaster a cent a click from banner advertising, when I. K. Funk & Company rejects the call for resignation of the entire board backed by the holder of nearly two shares of common stock—that is when Wikipedia’s purpose can at last be realised.

And then it is that the Rouge admins step in. Based on the flimsiest of grounds—policy and consensus—they require not The Truth™ but that which is verifiable. They will not accept the word of anyone other than a reliable source, no matter that all such sources are part of the great conspiracy to suppress The Truth™. They further demand that the dissenting opinions of those who believe The Truth™ to be complete bollocks be given due weight. And they delete, delete, delete. Heedless of the hordes of anonymous keep votes at Articles for Deletion, discounting the legion of brand new users who have registered just so they can ensure The Truth™ is told, they accept without question the assurance of fellow Rouge admins that The Truth™ is unverifiable, incapable of being covered neutrally, unsourced and unproven. They resist perfectly reasonable demands for shrubberies before critical content can be added. And when more brand new users come along to rectify the situation by creating new articles with much better titles, the Rouge admins race right back in to delete them again, to block the new users and lock the articles.

All the pleading in the world falls on deaf ears. It’s as though the Rouge admins do not realise that when Jimbo said that neutral point of view was non-negotiable, he didn’t mean it to stop The Truth™ being told! And, well, even if he has stepped in numerous times to, um, enforce it, it’s only because… the Rouge admins have poisoned his mind and misrepresented the situation on IRC. Or something.

The Rouge admins, scourge of fair play, defenders of the powerful, in the pay of either Corporate America^[c] or Chinese Communists (or more likely both)—they insidiously subvert Wikipedia’s true mission, the mission Jimbo surely had in mind and simply forgot to add to the five pillars. Damn those Rouge admins!

Although one may initially think that the Rouge admins are so named due to their well-documented red-loving proclivities, or sneaky and renegade nature (similar to, for example, the rogue character class in Dungeons & Dragons), in fact, their name stems from the red or pink makeup they use to add colour to their cheeks. In contrast, rogue administrators wear only aftershave. And clothing. Once in a while.

Beware the Flag of the Rouge admin!
Rouge admins: known either for their uncanny makeup skills or POV-pushers' inability to spell "rogue"
Bar du Admin Rouge, legendary home of the rouge admins. Note that sobriety is not a relevant issue as Rouge admins are immune to intoxication because they are never sober.
Something Rouge, note the disguised rouge admin browsing.

Notes

^ The list of affiliation groups may be expanded to suit individual taste, for example those people who see lecherousness as the meaning of life and those people who recognize chaos, discord, and dissent as valid and desirable qualities.
^ Ginger monopolies is the unstated but exceedingly crafty plan by several small businesspeople loosely affiliated with the E of A to corner the market in growing jolly good ginger; it is unclear if the Imperium is officially sanctioning this undertaking, and we may never fully know because a USDA probe team that had been 24/7 monitoring unmanned drones over Sydney (confining its activities pretty rigorously, sort of, to E of A and not the surrounding macrostate's territory) has suffered intermittent power failures to its critical computing infrastructure as part of sequestration requirements foisted upon the US as it went over the fiscal cliff as of March 2013.
^ Corporate America, please contact the original author for paying-in details. All major currencies accepted, we apologise that receipts cannot be provided.

External links

[a-1] The list of affiliation groups may be expanded to suit individual taste, for example those people who see lecherousness as the meaning of life and those people who recognize chaos, discord, and dissent as valid and desirable qualities.

[b-2] Ginger monopolies is the unstated but exceedingly crafty plan by several small businesspeople loosely affiliated with the E of A to corner the market in growing jolly good ginger; it is unclear if the Imperium is officially sanctioning this undertaking, and we may never fully know because a USDA probe team that had been 24/7 monitoring unmanned drones over Sydney (confining its activities pretty rigorously, sort of, to E of A and not the surrounding macrostate's territory) has suffered intermittent power failures to its critical computing infrastructure as part of sequestration requirements foisted upon the US as it went over the fiscal cliff as of March 2013.

[c-3] Corporate America, please contact the original author for paying-in details. All major currencies accepted, we apologise that receipts cannot be provided.

[a]

See also

Notes

External links