- Dr. Kerry Weaver: [leaving Luka a message] Luka, this is Kerry Weaver. I'm down two attendings and up 40 patients. If you don't get in here and start working your scheduled shifts, I'm gonna call the INS, tell 'em your greencard's a fake, and have your ass deported
- Nurse Lily Jarvik: Anyone seen Dr. Weaver?
- Dr. Doug Ross: Follow the trail of partially-digested residents.
- Nurse Haleh Adams: I've been doin' this job for 17 years, honey. Doctors come and go, but nurses make this place run. We don't get much credit or pay. We see a lot of misery, a lot of dyin', but we come back every day. I've given up bein' appreciated, but I sure as hell won't let any of us be taken for granted.
- [In the OR]
- Dr. Robert Romano: Will somebody turn down the damn heat. Feels like a hundred in here.
- Nurse: The thermostat is set at 68 degrees.
- Dr. Peter Benton: Maybe you're coming down with the flu.
- Dr. Robert Romano: It's NOT the flu.
- Nurse: Maybe you're going through "The Change."
- Dr. Luka Kovac: I don't even know who she is!
- Abby Lockhart: She knows who you are.
- Dr. Luka Kovac: I don't think so.
- Abby Lockhart: Oh, Luka, every woman who works in the hospital knows who you are. Trust me.
- Dr. John Carter: We have a man with a large carrot stuck in his colon coming in.
- Lucy Knight: How did he ever swallow it whole?
- Dr. Kerry Weaver: Did you even take the Hippocratic Oath?
- Dr. Robert Romano: I had my fingers crossed.
- Dr. Susan Lewis: I think you should talk to him, he seems depressed.
- Abby Lockhart: He's european, it's his baseline.
- Patient: It's all ending today! Today is the last day!
- Dr. John Carter: Oh, great, I have to work. I'm always working when the world ends.
- [Randi is reading everyone's horoscope]
- Randi Fronczak: Hey, Abby. What's your sign?
- Abby Lockhart: "Out of order".
- Dr. John Carter: I got stabbed! I got stabbed in the back! Where the hell where you? You were the same place you've been my entire life, you were someplace else!
- Dr. Susan Lewis: Students wanna be residents... residents wanna be attendings...
- Dr. John Carter: And attendings just wanna be left alone.
- Abby Lockhart: I have the results from your blood exams. They show that you have leukemia.
- Patient: [Takes a deep breath and resumes talking] Thank God! I thought you were going to say I have cancer!
- Dr. Michael Gallant: This may sound silly now, but outside in the bay this morning, I was thinking about asking you out.
- Dr. Neela Rasgotra: I was thinking about saying yes.
- Dr. Elizabeth Corday: I've found a way to limit my Romano exposure.
- Dr. Peter Benton: Oh yeah, what's that? Garlic?
- Neela Rasgotra: [giving her large family the tour] Back there is the suture room where we attend to minor skin wounds.
- [a naked patient reveals himself]
- Neela Rasgotra: That's a naked patient. Let's step this way.
- Dr. John Carter: [after Abby caught him kissing Susan] It's really more about friendship than anything else.
- Abby Lockhart: Really? I've never seen you kiss Frank like that.
- Dr. Elizabeth Corday: That's it, Mark. I'm not stayin' here anymore. Every faucet leaks; your toilet actually rocks.
- Dr. Mark Greene: I kind of like that.
- Dr. Elizabeth Corday: There are things scurrying about in the walls. Do you know what scurries about in walls, Mark?
- Dr. Mark Greene: Bunnies?
- Dr. Susan Lewis: All he did was talk about his ex for 45 minutes, who also happened to be named Susan. How much he loved her, how much he wanted to marry her, how much he wanted to have 5 or 6 children with her... Do I want children?... Do I want 5 or 6 children?
- Dr. Mark Greene: Okay, Tad could be worse.
- Dr. Susan Lewis: I'm not even there yet, Mark. I look over, and he has this drop of red wine hanging from his nose.
- Dr. Mark Greene: What?
- Dr. Susan Lewis: You heard me, this puny little blob just hanging there. So of course I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Is it gonna fall? is it gonna hang there all night? Is his skin gonna absorb it?
- Dr. Mark Greene: How did it get there?
- Dr. Susan Lewis: Mark!
- Dr. Mark Greene: No really, how do you get your nose that far into a wine glass? Was he smelling it or...
- Dr. Susan Lewis: [laughing] Mark, please!
- Dr. Mark Greene: What happened?
- Dr. Susan Lewis: I went to the bathroom and snuck out the window.
- Dr. Mark Greene: You're kidding.
- Dr. Susan Lewis: Nope.
- Dr. Mark Greene: Wow.
- Jerry Markovic: Dr. Ross, this came for you.
- Dr. Mark Greene: Bad news?
- Dr. Doug Ross: No. Just got denied a loan by a bank whose motto is "We loan money to anyone."
- Abby Lockhart: I'm beginning to hate Neela.
- Dr. Susan Lewis: Well, she's a med student.
- Abby Lockhart: I'm a med student!
- Dr. Susan Lewis: To tell you the truth, she's starting to piss me off, too. Let's hate her together.
- Carol Hathaway: Doug can you help me out here. "If a red quark is attracted to an anti-red quark, is it a gluon or a meson?"
- Dr. Doug Ross: Thank you, Carol, for pointing out something else i know nothing about.
- Dr. Susan Lewis: I always knew you loved your children, but I never realized how much you fell in love with them. Little Susie was like a story book, every smile a new page to be poured over, touched, remembered... I loved my storybook. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel so alone.
- Dr. Peter Benton: Last time he came in here, he yelled in my stethoscope.
- Dr. Cleo Finch: He grabbed my ass. Suck it up.
- Dr. Susan Lewis: [Greene and Lewis discussing the hospital gossip about them] Mmm, yeah, and what is that, can I ask you? My car's in the shop, I drop Susie off at my parents, meet up with you to go tequila shopping, and all of a sudden we're having a torrid affair?
- Dr. Mark Greene: Who said it was torrid?
- Dr. Susan Lewis: No one, I'm just assuming it would be.
- [Greene looks at her]
- Dr. Susan Lewis: That's not what I meant.
- Dr. Mark Greene: That's OK, I know what you meant... I'm sure it would be too... Why wouldn't it be?
- Dr. Susan Lewis: ...No reason at all.
- [she stares at Greene and then at her margarita]
- Dr. Susan Lewis: There's not enough lime in this.
- Dr. John Carter: You look tired.
- Abby Lockhart: Really?
- Dr. John Carter: Come to think of it, Frank looks tired, too.
- Abby Lockhart: Yeah, that's because I spent the night slapping his ass until 3:00 a.m.
- Dr. John Carter: Really?
- Abby Lockhart: Well, have you seen him getting down today?
- Dr. John Carter: Let's see. Frank! Have you gotten down today?
- Frank: What?
- Dr. John Carter: Never mind.
- Dr. John Carter: So, what are you gonna do tonight?
- Dr. Deb Chen: Oh, the usual. Get drunk, meet a random guy at the bar and have a night of wild sex until I pass out from sheer exhaustion.
- Dr. John Carter: Takeout and a hot bath?
- Dr. Deb Chen: Yeah.
- Dr. Mark Greene: [to the bickering Chen and Malucci] You know why we only had one kid? So I wouldn't have to deal with the two of them fighting in the backseat.
- Dr. Mark Greene: [Going over a new colour schedule] Doug, you have a problem?
- Dr. Doug Ross: No, just call me Mr. Blue.
- Dr. Doug Ross: [Telling Carol about when he did his physics exam] He told us we could bring in one sheet into the exam with all the formulas written on it.
- Carol Hathaway: And?
- Dr. Doug Ross: I brought in a really big sheet.
- Dr. Susan Lewis: Okay, I'm gonna go to Doc Magoo's, get some breakfast, find a toothbrush, change my underwear, and then I'll clear your board.
- Dr. Luka Kovac: [playing on a Playstation] Come on, we can hunt zombies together.
- Abby Lockhart: Couldn't we just, reason with them?
- Dr. Luka Kovac: Try not to hit Morris with any desk tools.
- Abby Lockhart: I'm not promising anything.
- Female patient: If men needed abortions, there would be drive-thru windows with beer on tap and ESPN on the TVs.
- Malik: [examining a trauma patient] Check it out, swastikas.
- Nurse Connie Oligario: I've got a "die n- die" here.
- Nurse Lily Jarvik: [to the patient] How do you feel about Asians?
- Dr. Mark Greene: You know, people think kids don't listen to their parents, but they do. And if you tell them they are nothing, they think they are nothing.
- Neela Rasgotra: Where'd you learn that trick?
- Dr. Luka Kovac: What, sitting on a patient? I learned it from a congolese nurse named Mwadi.