Quotes

National Lampoon's Senior Trip

Edit

Carla Morgan: Hey Virus, I bet you've never made moves like this in your chess club. Wanna screw?
Barry 'Virus' Kremmer: [Has an orgasm] Excuse me.
[Virus runs away]
Carla Morgan: [aside to herself] Yeah it was great for me, too.

Principal Todd Moss: Open the door!
Red: [Driving away] Sorry, man we got a schedule to keep.
Principal Todd Moss: Open the door!
Red: What's the magic word?
Principal Todd Moss: Open the door!
Red: What's the magic word?
Principal Todd Moss: Please!
Red: [Opens the door] The magic word is "Rock and Roll," man.

Reggie Barry: People, um, say that acid causes, um, brain damage. What did you say?

[at the tomb and eternal flame of J. Edgar Hoover]
Miss Tracy Milford: Well now, students - J. Edgar Hoover was the founder and director of the FBI from 1924 until his death in 1972. He was a great American.
Herbert Jones: He was a fascist transvestite and I hope he rots in Hell!
Miss Tracy Milford: Hmm.
Meg Smith: Why can't we see Kennedy's eternal flame?
Principal Todd Moss: You people don't deserve Kennedy.
Wanda Baker: Who's Kennedy?

[watching Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday]
Wanda Baker: Did you ever wonder if Jason has nightmares and if Freddy can invade his nightmares?
Reggie Barry: Yeah.
Wanda Baker: I think about that all the time.

Principal Todd Moss: Stop! That man is mentally challenged!

Carla Morgan: [to Dags] Wouldn't it be cool to screw in the principal's bedroom?

Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: Let's do some Van Damme-age.

President Davis: Son, what do you see as the problems that are effecting our school system.
Mioski: [silent for a minute, then he leans forward] What?

Carla Morgan: If I don't get laid tonight, everyone's gonna think I'm a loser. By the way, have you seen those Kennedy boys? I hear they're lots of fun.

Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: Mr. President, maybe Senator Lurman is right. Maybe we are screw ups. We didn't even write the letter to you, Lisa here did. She's an honor student. Now I never got the chance to read it yet, but... well I'm pretty sure that whatever she said about education reform must be really cool!
Barry 'Virus' Kremmer: Yeah, you goverment guys have to make sure that future generations of kids get a good education so they... don't end up like us.
Carla Morgan: We're soiled, but it's not too late to save others.

Barry 'Virus' Kremmer: What about Meg?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: Meg's gay.
Barry 'Virus' Kremmer: Well if anyone can change her, it's you.

Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: So why don't you just ditch the books and come to the back and party with us?
Lisa Perkins: I can't.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: Why?
Lisa Perkins: 'Cause nobody likes me. Everyone thinks I'm a frigid headcase.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: Well, Virus and Reggie do... but I don't. Look, why don't you prove them wrong by coming to the back and partying with us?
Lisa Perkins: Okay. I can be fun.

Miosky: [speaking for the first time] You know what I wanna do? I wanna do a Jap.
Barry 'Virus' Kremmer: Hey! How about Carla Morgan? I hear she's half Jewish!
[Miosky slaps Virus across the face]
Miosky: Not that kind of Jap. A real Jap from China. With silky soft skin, almond eyes and straight blonde hair.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: [sarcastic] A blonde Japanese. Hmmmm.
Miosky: They're a rare breed, but they're out there - and I'm gonna find one.

Reggie Barry: Oh, and one final thing, we didn't kill Red, he partied to death!

Reggie Barry: Heroin, huh?
Herbert Jones: Insulin.
Reggie Barry: Can I, like, buy some from you?

Senator John Lerman: We're due at the capitol and you're porking the math teacher?
Miss Tracy Milford: Keyboarding teacher.
Senator John Lerman: Whatever.

Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: We're not going anywhere with Senator Bunghole.
Senator John Lerman: Senator Bunghole?

[the students have found secret information linked to Senator Lurman's scam]
Senator John Lerman: How did you get a hold of this?
Reggie Barry: That information's on a need-to-know basis.
Senator John Lerman: You're out of your league, boy.
Miss Tracy Milford: Senator Lurman, I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Senator John Lerman: Oh, shut up, you little slut.

Herbert Jones: We don't need this A space, J space, Put a Little Love in Your Heart shit. We need a challenge.

[the minute the kids walk into the store]
Ish: Hey! I want no trouble from you people! You hear me? Behave!
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: I hate when I get blamed for something before I do anything wrong.

Principal Todd Moss: I'll bet you're wondering why I asked you here in the middle of the night. I have a favor to ask of you, Steve, something that will be our little secret. You up to it?
[Steve kneels down on the floor]
Principal Todd Moss: What are you doing?
Steve Nisser: I thought you wanted...
Principal Todd Moss: I don't want that, you idiot!

Red: Hey, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. Where do you think you're going?
Principal Todd Moss: Getting on the bus.
Red: You're on the wrong bus, dude. This is the magic bus.
Principal Todd Moss: I'm counting on you to stick to the schedule. It's percisley 8:06. Let's get going.
Red: [to himself, after Moss walks by] Principal Dickhead.

Principal Todd Moss: This is the only stop we'll be making between here and Washington D.C. So I suggest you take care of whatever necessities come to mind.
Barry 'Virus' Kremmer: Like takin' a wiz!

Red: You kids, Man, you sure don't know how to party. When I was your age, well... we partied, Man.

Steve Nisser: People think that we're nothing but a generation of losers. Sitting on our butts, playing video games and watching MTV. That's not true!

Principal Todd Moss: Must be another senior skip day. D'Agastino thinks he can outsmart me. Not in my domain.

Principal Todd Moss: [reading from a flier] Dags and Reggie invite you to Total Destruction. 12:00, 637 Stratford Road.
Mrs. Winston: Why that's your house!

Travis Lindsey: I shall put an end to your dirty Klingon ways.

Reggie Barry: Um, Dags, I just saw that psycho crossing guard guy in a car with Lt. Uhura.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: [dubious] Sure, dude.

Detective: We're dredging the water right now, but there's no sign of your "Star Trek" man. We're gonna have to submit you to a breathalyzer test, Mr. Woo.
Mrs. Woo: [to Mr. Woo] I told you not to pick him up, asshole.

Travis Lindsey: Follow that bus, Mr. Sulu.
Mr. Woo: Sulu? I'm Mr. Woo.
Travis Lindsey: I see. Traitors to the Federation!
[pulls out a gun]
Travis Lindsey: Nobody moves!
Wong Woo: Hey, is that a Walther PPK semi-automatic?
Travis Lindsey: Yes.
Wong Woo: Great! You cover Dad...
[Wong Woo pulls out his own Walther PPK gun and points it at his parents]
Wong Woo: I'll cover Mom.

Reggie Barry: Pop quiz, hotshot: You have 10 underage students craving alcoholic beverages in a store containing your high school principal. What do you do? What-do-you-do?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: Take out the principal.

[Principal Moss is passed put]
Miss Tracy Milford: Principal Moss? Principal Moss? Principal Moss!
Reggie Barry: Is he dead?
Red: Nah, he ain't dead, man. He's just in a coma.
Miss Tracy Milford: What?
Red: Yeah, I guess that car-sick pill is working on him. It should, man, it's a Red. Horse tranquilizer.
Miss Tracy Milford: But I saw you take a handful of them.
Red: Oh, they don't work on me, man. That's why they call me Red. I'm immune!
Reggie Barry: [to everyone in the back of the bus] Hey! Moss is in a coma. Let's party!

Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: Lisa. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.
Lisa Perkins: What?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: Wanna cut and go to a party?
Lisa Perkins: Huh.
[Turns away and tries to ignore Dags]
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: Come on! I know you like me.
Lisa Perkins: Would you leave me alone?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: I am concerned about you, Lisa. One day, you're gonna wake up and realize that you wasted all of your high school years studying.
Lisa Perkins: And you're gonna wake up one day and realize that you're a loser!

Principal Todd Moss: Well, this was an interesting field trip.
Miss Tracy Milford: What are we going to do now?
Reggie Barry: Go home.
Lisa Perkins: No, we can't let this happen!
Meg Smith: But if we go and try to stop him, we're only gonna make the President look worse.
Reggie Barry: Just like Vietnam... no way to win.
Herbert Jones: What we need is a miracle.
Meg Smith: Yeah. Like that time when the school got torched right before finals.
Reggie Barry, Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: [both together] Oh. That was us.
Principal Todd Moss: That was you?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: Yeah. Now, if we can stop finals, we certainly can stop some Bunghole senator!

[the whole gang is drinking on the bus]
Lisa Perkins: [drunk] Dags?
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: [even more drunk] Yeah? W-what?
Lisa Perkins: I've been thinking about our impending relationship. Which I think is a good idea. As long as you don't talk too much, you let me call the shots, and my parents never, never, NEVER find out about you, I think it could work out between us.
[Dags falls out of his seat and passes out on the floor]
Lisa Perkins: Hey... are you paying attention to me?

[Miosky lands on top of an elevator and opens the hatch in the top of the elevator]
Miosky: Hi! I'm Miosky. I'm here to save you.
Du Mi Wong: What happened?
Miosky: Uh... I don't know. Don't move, I'm coming in.
Du Mi Wong: I'm scared.
Miosky: Don't be scared. I'll protect you. Uh, what's your name?
Du Mi Wong: Du Mi.
Miosky: Wha...
[Miosky falls through the hatch into the elevator]

Meg Smith: Miss Milford, there you are. We've been looking for you. We wanted to let you know how cool it's been. You showing us around Washington and everything.
Miss Tracy Milford: Really?
Wanda Baker: So, we bought you a box of candy.
Miss Tracy Milford: [looks in the box] I don't know what to say. How do you know that I like chocolate?
Wanda Baker: Because it's all you ever eat.

Principal Todd Moss: What are you kids trying to do to me? We're not even in Washington yet and we already have... a fatality!

Steve Nisser: That does it, you leave me no choice! As student body president, I'm placing you all under citizens arrest! You're all confinded to your rooms until I get Principal Moss.
Mark 'Dags' D'Agastino: Miosky, take care of this guy.
[Miosky eagerly pushes his away towards Steve]
Steve Nisser: Lay one hand on me and I'll sue! Principal Moss!
[Miosky knees Steve in the groin]

[first lines]
Principal Todd Moss: It's now officially 8:01 people, let's move it!