The moment we label its resistance - there is a sense of judgment. My first role as a coach is to move out of this bracket and understand the dynamics from a neutral standpoint. If possible, gain perspectives from stakeholders including team members on what is at play. Now understanding the client is key - what is going on there? - the intent, the underlying emotions (his/her feelings - any fears?), the thought process, and also the behaviors. In most cases, if all these details are explored well in a non-judgmental way and supported by providing direction to thinking the clients will themselves call out the resistance at play. Uncovering that, the coach can now navigate the strategy, plan, skills & actions/behaviors to restore harmony.

When my client's resistance disrupts their team’s harmony, I start by identifying the root cause of their resistance. This often involves encouraging them to reflect on their beliefs, fears, or experiences that may be contributing to the tension. Through active listening and open dialogue, I help them recognize how their behavior impacts the team dynamic. Together, we then develop action plans that address both their individual challenges and the team’s needs. These plans might include better communication, setting clearer expectations, and/or creating opportunities for collaboration. By aligning their personal growth with their team’s goals, my clients can work towards restoring harmony and leading more effectively.

Asking powerful questions and listening to the answers helps to uncover unspoken concerns. Here are a couple of examples. - What do you see as the risks, implications and obstacles of taking this path? - What do you see as the worst case scenario. - What would need to happen for you to be fully on board with this plan? There are often unspoken concerns that once dealt with can turn the situation around. Sometimes it is a plain misunderstanding about what is being proposed. We are not wired to think the same, don’t have the same values. Avoid jumping to conclusions. How we cast vision makes a huge difference. Better to take responsibility for the breakdown in communication rather than blame the other person as being resistant

My experience is resistance is a great gift, signifying we need to slow down. In this evolved world we’re working in, taking time to uncover concerns & deeply listening is a powerful way we all learn. It gives a message to the team, everyone is valued, even the ‘negative’ person. Pausing bears fruit. Spend time with risks, spend time including, spend time with nervous systems. A great story in Nancy Klines book: A Time to think. She was called to a senior team with a partner ‘resisting’ she recalls once this person wasn’t shouted down to, or attempting to problem solve with. Once they felt heard without interruption, It became apparent how much the person cared. Then once they felt heard he could move on with the conversation/decision.

Assure the client that the coaching relationship is non-judgmental and confidential and acknowledge their perspective: Validate their feelings or concerns without endorsing disruptive behavior.