The Day I Failed on Stage at TEDx

(A lot of people asked for the English version, so here it is)

It all happened on Saturday, April 2nd, around 11:30AM. I was on stage for TEDx at HEC Montreal, and I experienced my worst nightmare.

I failed.

Believe me when I say this, this isn’t an easy thing to admit, especially when your name is Simon De Baene.

At just 30 years of age, I’m the head of one of the strongest organizations in the country. I started from absolutely nothing when I was 20 years old, and I’m now surrounded by an incredible 150-person team that grows consistently on a daily basis. I’m lucky enough to be able to hone my craft in a workplace atmosphere that’s completely insane (in the best of ways), and I recently had the chance to celebrate, with my colleagues, a revenue growth of 100% in less than 12 months. I’m often told how inspiring I am, how I have an enormous impact on people’s lives, and I’m constantly showered with compliments for everything I’ve achieved. Additionally, people want to follow in the footsteps of my wild endeavors; my head is full to the brim with great ideas, and I want to change the world. In other words, I’m living a dream and I have more confidence in myself now than I’ve ever had.

When everything is going this well, you feel a sense of invincibility, and the concept of failure only exists for others. This, however, is exactly when things become dangerous.

A few months ago, I was invited to be a speaker at a TEDx event, and I accepted the challenge with great pride. Personally, this meant I’d be taking part in an experience of a lifetime and I was tremendously excited about the idea.

Over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to speaking in front of crowds of people. The GSOFT vision of happiness in the workplace has never been as clear as it is today, and I’m extremely passionate about this topic that has an impact on absolutely everyone. Additionally, people have told me they love the style of my presentations, which was awarded the highest grade at a previous conference I took part in. I was armed with everything I needed to pull off a truly memorable performance. 

Preparation

At TEDx, you’ve got a maximum of 18 minutes to get your point across. No teleprompters, and visual aids are optional.

I’ve always been the kind of guy that speaks from the heart, so I usually prefer improvising my speech, while using visual aids to guide the subject matter along. The risk with improvising, however, is that you run the risk of not maximizing the impact of your message, because you can easily forget to mention important factors, or simply run out of time before you get to them; and this would completely defeat the purpose of a TED talk. So, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and not improvise my speech – something I had never done before. Furthermore, in order to to keep the audience’s attention on the words coming out of my mouth, I chose not to use any visual support.

I dedicated an enormous amount of time to writing out my presentation. I must have redone it it at least 3 times. I really wanted to maximize the impact of my message, without getting into too much detail. 18 minutes can fly by pretty quickly, so you need to choose your words very carefully. Once the text was complete, I showed it to several people, and was met with really positive reactions.

Next, I needed to learn my speech by heart, and present it without giving the impression that I was simply regurgitating something I had memorized. Most people take this part for granted but, for someone who’s used to speaking unrehearsed and from the heart, like myself, this wasn’t an easy task. I numbered all the important elements and underlined key paragraphs. I practiced and repeated my speech for what seemed like an eternity. I memorized my text so well that I could recite it naturally, even while folding my clothes.

I was finally ready. This would be a walk in the park.

The Much-Anticipated Moment

On the Friday evening before the presentation, I attended a friend’s birthday party, but left pretty early in order to rehearse my speech before I went to bed. On Saturday morning I woke up refreshed, motivated, and ready to get the show started. I was a little nervous, but it was the good kind of nervous. I told myself that, once this day was over, I’d be able to turn the page on a huge step in my career.

I got to HEC at around 8:15AM. All the speakers were gathering to listen to a few final instructions regarding how the event would proceed. Next came the excruciating wait in the speakers’ lounge. I occupied my time by drinking loads of water and reciting my text repeatedly. By this point, I felt I had mastered my presentation, and was really starting to get excited about sharing it.

My big moment was right around the corner – only 10 more minutes to wait through. I put my mic on, went over my text one last time, and shut off my cell phone. My heart was beating a little faster now, but just fast enough to give me a nice rush.

While making my way to the stage, I asked myself: “What’s the worst that could happen?”. Maybe I’d forget a few sentences? Mess up the order of a paragraph or two? Perhaps the audience wouldn’t laugh at my jokes? Or maybe my microphone would stop working for a short while? Nothing too stressful, really.

Once at the stage, the animators called out my name, I went to stand in the middle of the red circle, and I began my TED talk.

Everything was going well for the first 2 minutes. Then…nothing. My mind went completely blank, and I couldn’t regain control of my thoughts.

If you’ve ever seen the movie “8 Mile”, this moment, for me, was very similar to the beginning of the movie in which Eminem “chokes” on stage.

I’m pretty good at predicting things, but I never saw this coming. I was completely frozen, my mind empty, in a panic, and my heart felt like it was going to explode. On that very stage, I truly lived the worst nightmare of my life.

I, Simon De Baene, a guy with more confidence than ever, and ambitions to match, was completely vulnerable and in distress in front of almost 200 people.

Thankfully, I was lucky enough to have been in front of an awesome crowd that really helped me get through this challenge. They clapped and cheered to encourage me, saying things like “don’t worry about it, it’s no big deal”. There was even a lovely young woman, who I hope to meet in person and thank, who suddenly got up and expressed exactly how great GSOFT is. In the end, my meticulously rehearsed presentation was transformed into a GSOFT Q&A.

My Reflection on All This

Immediately following my presentation, I left the venue and isolated myself in my home. To this very day, I find myself reliving the events that transpired, questioning myself, and I still have a lot of trouble accepting it. There’s really nothing you can do to prepare yourself for something like this. It’s incredibly traumatizing, especially for someone like me who usually has an enormous amount of confidence. Let’s just say I’ve experienced a wide range of emotions since Saturday: shame, humiliation, anger, sadness, fear, rejection, embarrassment, and guilt. I’m supposed to be the spokesperson for GSOFT’s vision. People count on me to be our mission’s evangelist, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve let my team down. I know people have enormous expectations of me, and the last thing I want to do is disappoint them.

Despite it all, I know I’ll come out of this experience as a better person, and I’ll use it to grow. I’m already starting to take lessons out of this event, and I’d like to share them with you here: 

1. I will never again memorize a speech. I’m genuine, and people listen to me even more when I speak from the bottom of my heart.
2. No one is safe from the worst life can throw at you, and you must always be ready to confront it.
3. Putting too much pressure on yourself is useless, or even detrimental. Just because of the TEDx emblem, I had put an enormous amount of pressure on myself.
4. Our failures seem much more devastating than they actually are. Taking a step back to breathe is crucial to success.
5. You can yell as loud as you want to, but it won’t change a thing. It might feel good in the moment, but you need to pick yourself up and confront your obstacles.
6. I like Scotch and the Série Noire TV series. The ideal combination for getting your mind off things.

One thing is for sure though, there isn’t much left that can scare me in front of large crowds. This was exactly the experience I needed to live in order to prepare myself for even bigger conferences. Bring it on. 

My Apologies

So, for all those who have been asking if my conference last Saturday went well, you now have your answer: No, not at all. I want to apologize to the TEDx organizers, those present in the audience, my followers, my employees, my friends, and my family. However, I also want to tell you all to continue putting your faith in me and you’ll see that I don’t disappoint very often.

Although I didn’t get to deliver my presentation at the conference, I invite you to read it here.

The one thing that comforts me in all this is the knowledge that, despite the little I managed to deliver, I’ve already received several testimonials from people present at the conference with whom my message resonated. If I was able to have this great an impact with so little, it is undeniable proof that the message is strong, and I’m more motivated than ever to yell it even louder.

This isn’t an easy article to write, let alone publish, but it serves as my way to turn the page. Despite all my success, this is an instance where I’ve met failure head on, and I wanted to share my experience with you.

Simon

"Our Greatest Glory Is Not in Never Falling, But in Rising Every Time We Fall." -Nelson Mandela