How to Get Out of Drinking This Holiday Season

In the United States, drinking, especially among Millennials and Gen Z, is on the decline.

This is in part due to the sober curious movement’s trend to drink less or not at all, particularly during January.

This is in part because the guidance to drink a daily glass (or two) of wine for health turned out to be funded by the alcohol industry.

This is in part because recent studies show that pretty much any amount of alcohol is bad for us—associated with cancer, early aging, shrunken brain, and more.

Still, there is always a socially acceptable reason to drink. People drink when they are happy (weddings, birthdays, vacations, holidays, the game), sad (breakups, deaths, holidays, the game), or stressed (holidays, pandemic, politics, raising children—indeed, “mommy drinkers” have been using alcohol to cope for decades).

Over the past decade, I have interviewed dozens of non-drinkers (people of all ages in all careers who don’t drink for religious reasons, health reasons, financial reasons, addiction reasons, etc.).

With the holidays approaching, here are some research-based strategies to get out of drinking (tonight or indefinitely) without drawing attention to yourself or making yourself or others uncomfortable.

Hold a drink

To fit in with others without having to out yourself as not drinking, hold something in your hand. An energy drink or bottle of water is usually fine, but to really ensure you don’t attract attention, hold a red cup (if you are at that kind of party) or something alcohol-adjacent, such as a glass of club soda or Coke with lime.

As Forrest, 61, explained:

“Your first line of defense is to have something in your hand that replicates a drink. So I’ll drink club soda or 7-Up so it puts people at ease if they see that you have a liquid in your hand… as long as they see you, with a glass of something and you’re not just sort of nursing it, you’re actually drinking it, you’re going through the normal motions that a drinker would go through, then [non-drinkers are] totally fine.”

For people who are not in recovery for alcohol misuse, ordering an alcoholic drink but not really drinking it is also an effective strategy.

As Parker, 42, put it, in drinking situations with a new client, “It’s very easy to order a… bottle of wine and get your little share of it and then just kind of sip it.” Parker said it was sometimes more important to “accommodate” the client and be “part of the social cohesion and group than it is to sort of make some proclamation that ‘No, you know, I don’t drink. I don’t need anything,’” which could potentially make the drinker feel judged.

Similarly, Nick, 27, admitted that "I’ve held a beer bottle for hours, to the point where it’s warm.”

Convey that you aren’t judging

If it comes out that you aren’t drinking, be careful not to make drinkers feel judged or self-conscious through both your non-verbal communication and tangible actions.

Don’t glare. Even if you think drinking is a mortal sin, make sure your non-verbals do not convey judgment. You want people to feel comfortable around you, especially in work party settings. After all, you are deviating from social norms. Make sure your non-verbals convey acceptance and comfort.

As Susie, 21, explained, it's a matter of not glowering at drinkers if they try to offer you a drink. Instead, you could say, "'Oh, I’m not drinking; I’m just here to have fun and hang out.' As long as you’re not like the girl in the corner who isn’t drinking and making it a pity party.”

Buy a Round. Ordering drinks for others is a way to take the attention away from your non-drinking while conveying acceptance. As Forrest said: “I’ll pay for a round for everybody, make sure they have a drink, and that sort of really eases things off because then they go, ‘Okay, you don’t have any objections about drinking that you’re buying us drinks.’”

Other participants talked about giving their work holiday party drink tickets to colleagues, who were appreciative of an extra free drink.

Be the designated driver. Volunteering to serve as the DD was another effective strategy that benefited drinkers and non-drinkers alike. As Ken, 43, put it, “There isn’t a thing I like more than driving people home. You know, it kind of takes you back. It’s fun, and you’re included."

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Make an excuse. When asked why they were not drinking, folks said they learned to give excuses that had nothing to do with judging drinking but about their own well-being.

Health reasons served to “get the pressure” off non-drinkers. As Richard, 39, explained, “I don’t want to be thought of as being judgy, so I think by putting the onus on myself… ‘It’s just better for me and my lifestyle,’ I think that’s the way to do it.”

Faith-based reasons were also acceptable, as it’s “hard to argue with someone’s faith.”

Some participants even engaged in white lies. For instance, Maddie, 31, told people she was on migraine medication that prevented her from drinking. She said that lie “worked great” at work, so she extended it to all professional functions: “I’ve spread that lie all over town.” Others mentioned they weren’t drinking in order to lose weight.

Humor was also an effective strategy. As Kristi, 31, said: “I’d be like, ‘You don’t want me drinking because if you get me a drink, the next thing I’ll have like five and I’ll be on your bar, I’ll be starting a fight, I’ll be puking.’ And I just laugh about it and make it a joke, and they’ll usually stop.”

The bottom line is that if you don’t want to drink alcohol this holiday season—or into the future—you don’t have to. Knowing these strategies may make it easier to be true to yourself while fitting into a society that still privileges alcohol.